0 Lately :)

This is what life has been like around here these days...

A Little Messy...


Whoa!

And Down Right Hilarious...

No clue how he accomplished this but we all thought it was funny!!



1 Darkest Before Dawn

Have you ever heard the saying it's always darkest just before dawn?  It always amazes me the little quirks God put into this world to teach us life lessons. 

When Jess and I decided to become parents I thought it would be easy...stop birth control and things would just happen.  As the months flew by and eventually my cycles stopped I became very worried.  I made an appointment with my doctor and anxiously awaited my appointment date in April.  I went in with high hopes and left virtually destroyed.  She informed me that without a cycle for 50 days it was likely that I had Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and that it would be difficult for me to become pregnant. 

As a nurse I wanted to know everything I could about this condition and exactly how to fix it.  I left the office that day went to fill the prescription she had given me and headed to the medical library to do research.  I needed some kind of control over the situation.  How could this be I asked myself?  I would be a good parent, does God not think I would be a good parent?  All these questions haunted me for days and it seemed I would never get over the negative. 

Over the next few weeks I clung to the words of a song called Before the Morning by Josh Wilson and tried to stay positive. 

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming

So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the dark before the morning

The weeks turned into months.  I took my meds everyday, no matter how sick the Metformin made me, and followed a strict diet to decrease insulin levels in my body in hopes of restoring my cycle.  After more than 72 days without a period I called my doctor who delivered the news that I would probably not conceive on my own.  Again I was crushed...I had prayed so hard and yet still nothing.  I had not let go and let God yet.  I prayed selfishly for the things I wanted rather than for his will.  And this battle had made me an ugly person who was angry.  All my life when I wanted something I went after it and achieved it and here was something I couldn't just go after and get. 

And hold on
'Cause there's good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time, but you'll see the bigger picture

After a lot of talking and praying Jess and I decided to try a round of fertility treatments, in conjunction with what we had been doing, in an attempt to produce a viable egg.  I was so blessed to be going on a wonderful vacation this time last year so that I could take my mind off all that had happened in the recent months.  Our trip to Florida helped me relax a little and come to the realization that it would happen when it was suppose to.  I LET GO!! 

One year ago today I took my first round of Clomid and hoped for the best.  Twelve days later at my first ultrasound I had 20 immature follicles per ovary and the doctor told me she was sorry but it didn't look promising.  I tried not to let it get me down.  I continued to take and plot my temperatures daily and take my ovulation tests as well.  On July 12th last year I got a positive ovulation test and a slight spike in basal body temperature.  I was so elated.  I knew it hadn't happened yet but I had renewed hope that it could happen for us.  I called my doctor and she scheduled my pregnancy test for fourteen days later.  Those two weeks went painfully slow but I had more hope in those days than I had had in a long time. 

On July 31, 2010 I came home from work after my scheduled pregnancy test knowing I would have to wait until Monday to get the results.  I snuck into the bathroom at home as to not wake my hubby and took my first pregnancy test.  I knew it was early but I just couldn't wait the whole weekend.  I peed and prayed.  The faintest pink line I have ever seen showed up...so faint in fact I had to wake Jess up to confirm I wasn't just seeing things.  We were both so happy...I cried, he smiled, and then we both snuggled and slept.  On Monday morning the doctor called to confirm that I was pregnant!!


Our little "PacMan"



I learned the most important life lesson last year...trust God.  Let Go and Let God!!  He has a plan and it will all fall into place, sometimes just before you think all hope is lost.  Because you see, it is always darkest before dawn and he always follows through with exactly what you NEED!!   

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory,

To this day I cry every time I hear this song.  It was like it was written for me at that moment in my life.  Do you have songs like that?  A song that seems to tell the story of your life at that very moment.  That is divine intervention! 



Our little boy!

My son is my miracle.  I know there are people out there who have waited far longer than I for their prayers to be answered and some of you are still waiting.  All I can say is trust God and have hope because he has a plan and it is bigger than anything you can imagine.  

Thanks for reading our story.  It was an amazing journey, I wouldn't change for anything. 

P.S.  I promise the next post won't be so deep.  I have something fun and cute planned, if I can pull it together. 

0 Thankful

I have never truely experienced devastation in my lifetime nor do I want to, but this weekend I got to see a tiny piece of the devastation from the tornado in Joplin Missouri.

Everywhere you looked the tops of trees were snapped off, huge hunks of metal lay twisted and out of place, and houses and buildings lay in ruins.

I have never been more thankful for the roof over my head, my warm bed, and my family.  It has been more than a month since the deadliest tornado in years struck Joplin and yet if you told me it happened just yesterday, I would believe you.  I can not imagine taking shelter during a storm, like many of us in the midwest are used to doing, and emerging to see this nightmare when it was all over. 

The destruction was so terrible I asked Jess if we could leave after driving just two blocks.  I had seen enough.  My heart ached for the people who lived and lost in that place.  The terror and pain they must have endured and yet they are picking up the pieces and moving on.  So powerful and amazing.

I told Jess, I wouldn't know where to begin.  I put so much importance on the things in my life, and here are people who's things are scattered about and gone forever. 

Today when we returned from our trip I looked at my house a little differently.  The things I hate about our house don't seem to matter much tonight.  Our house is a home and that's all that matters.  God has blessed me with a lot in my life and I am so very thankful for all that have.  

Have a blessed week and please pray for the people of Joplin!! 

 

1 Greats

This weekend I witnessed something rare and marvelous.  This little lady is Jackson's Great-Great Grandmother. 

No that is not a typo, my 90 year old great grandma got to hold and love on my son.  And love on him is just what she did!!

We had five generations in one room, in one house.  How amazing is that??

It was a very special weekend!  Hope you all had special memories from Father's Day. 

We celebrated Daddy's first Father's Day yesterday.  Jack and I made a special breakfast and we all snuggled up on the couch to watch movies.  It was a picture perfect, picture free kind of day; we were just livin' for the moment.  We traded snugly baby and snugly puppy back and forth.  Sometimes I would look over and he would be dozing and other times I would be.  It was one of those days where if you had someone to take pictures of your beautiful family by all means you would have but otherwise you don't dare disturb the moment. 

I DO intend on getting some Daddy and baby photos this week sometime and I will be sure to share my boys with you all. 

Have a great week!

1 My Newest Hobby

This is what has been keeping me up tonight...digital scrapbooking

It's ok though because I am trying to get back on a night routine.  If only this was what I was going to be spending my night doing.  What do you think?? 

Sad to say this has taken me most of the last 3 hours but now that I know what I am doing I think I could probably whip out a page in 20 minutes or so.  Hopefully you will be seeing lots more in the future as I make Jackson a scrapbook for his first year!!

2 Jackson: Two months old!!

Today my little man is two months old!!  Hope you are prepared for some super cute pictures!

Jackson is getting such a cute little personality and quite the temperament.  He has learned so many things this past month and he amazes me everyday.

I have a feeling this little chunk is going to score high in the weight percentiles this week at his doctors appointment.  I will be sure to update the post after we get the official weight results.  My guess is that he is about 13 pounds.  He is still eating about every three hours or so.  I had him out to every four hours but as soon as he started sleeping more at night he wanted to eat every three hours again. 


Such a little Rollie-Pollie!!

He hates to burp!  In fact when I try to change sides while feeding him he lets me know just how much he doesn't like it.  His face turns purple and he starts to shriek.  My Mom just says, "well he has your personality."  I have a feeling he might give me a run for my money someday. 

Can't you just see this face in three years begging for a toy in Target? :) Little Stinker!

Things are going a bit better in the sleep department these days.  We were having a terrible time putting him down at night but now that we have a strict bedtime routine he seems to cue into bedtime and go to sleep much easier.  Bedtime is 8p.m. and he sleeps for about six hours straight before he wants to eat and go back to sleep.  Sometimes he surprises us and can go for eight hours.  We also just transitioned him to his crib last week as I will be returning to work.  He is doing great and I think we all sleep a little better at night. 

This last month he conquered rolling over from his front to his back.  Early last month he rolled over for the first time and has worked up to rolling over everyday and usually several times a day.  He rolled a little too fast for me to get the camera on but you get the picture anyway! 

Still loves tummy time but has started to get a little more cranky about being on his tummy for too long.

Learned how to blow some bubbles!

Jack also found his hands this month and enjoys exploring them with his mouth.

My favorite thing this month has been Jack's developing personality.  Such a ladies man; he loves to flirt!

He is a little talker...he loves to talk and to be talked to.  He is curious...enjoying being outside looking around at trees and the pool in the backyard.

He is active...playing on his activity mat every morning, he goes wild kicking and hitting at the animals.  He is always trying to stand up and go places. 

He gets cuter and cuter everyday!!  Love these baby blues!

Well this momma has to go back to work tomorrow so wish me some luck and say a little prayer.  I am very emotional this week and at times down right terrified to go back.  I talked to a lady today when I was out and about that told me it is never as bad as what you think it is going to be.  I am clinging to those words of encouragement. 

I do miss my work and the friends I work with so it will be good to get back into the swing of things.  I am not sure what I would do if I didn't work in such an exciting place with great people.  I am going back slowly (part time for the next two weeks) so I hope this will help me a little but I am going to miss my little one so badly!  I laugh now looking back at those days when I used to say "I will never be a stay at home mom, I would be bored"...yeah right, I would love every second.  Nothing in this world makes me happier than my family!

Hope everyone has a wonderful week!!  I will keep you posted on how the work routine is going.

1 My Best Friend

Three years ago...I married my best friend!!

It has been an amazing and wonderful three years.  I love him more today than ever before.  He has given me so many wonderful things in this life. 

I'll never forget how tight I held you that day.

Or how you smashed cake in my face (even though I lectured you for a month before the wedding not to do this) because you knew someday I would look back and laugh.

Or how wonderful our friends were for learning choreography just for us,

Or how when we danced you put your head on my shoulder and sang to me,



Life with you makes perfect sense!!  You're my best friend!

0 My Julie Bean

I love my little girl...she has some spunk!!

One of my favorite parts of this time of year is when Julie gets to get out in the yard and PLAY!!  And boy does she play!!  She sits all fall and winter staring out at the rain and snow moping. This week we put up the pools and she lit up with excitement.  

First we bobbed for hot dogs in her baby pool...she loves hot dogs!!

She will actually stick her whole head into the water to get the hot dog.

Then she wanted to full on swim in the "big" pool.

She likes to pretend that she is a dock dog and dive for her tennis ball into the pool. Super Dog!! 

Then she climbs up the ladder, shakes off, does it all over again...

Jack has loved sitting out in the shade and watching her play!

Our funny little girl has also grown accustomed to drinking "fresh water" out of the sink.  Mommy may have let her do this one night and now she refuses to drink anything out of a bowl.  Ooops!

I swear this dog thinks she is a human, but I just LOVE her!!

On a side note guess who was the first one in the pool this year??

Yeah thats right, it was ME!!  It was freezing but after a long, hot walk it felt pretty good.  

Hope you are having some Summer Fun, it sure does go by fast!!